it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
