I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
