shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
