guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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