i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
