my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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