You can't motorboat a personality
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
