Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Those nachos came to me in a dream
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
