There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
