i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
