Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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