Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
