I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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