Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
