so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
