dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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