dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
