batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
