1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
