Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
