Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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