When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
