Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
