remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
