Kareoke will never be a sober sport
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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