my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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