ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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