At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
