This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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