i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize