Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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