I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
