Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
