I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You made out with two different species that night
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
