I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
