After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
