I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
