we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
