Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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