If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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