Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
