I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize