I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
