just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
