after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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