Your tits are I can't wait for
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
