This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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