quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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