when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Randomize
