i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
