Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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