So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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