i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
