Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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