coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
