Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
