So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
