Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
