Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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