I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
