On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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