you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
