If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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