Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
