I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
