I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
