I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
