Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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