end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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