I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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