so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
