Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
