Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
