I cockslap morals
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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