maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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