ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
