He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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