I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
