I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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