Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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