Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My liver just had a heart attack.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
