Got a toothbrush?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
